I am a Japanese matchmaker based in Australia and I have been supporting Australian single men and Japanese single women to find a partner.
I received several emails from Australian male members everyday and it is quite interesting to hear similar stories for the last few weeks.
They said that their Japanese girlfriend left them suddenly or stopped contacting them suddenly. They asked me “Is it an aspect of Japanese culture?”
Well…I believe that maybe Australian women might leave you without saying anything or stop contacting you without telling you the reason. Don’t they?
Wait ! Men do the same thing.
But there are different reasons for doing that between Australian women and Japanese women.
Cultural difference ?
Yes, that is one reason but there is something that you may have never imagined.
Your Japanese girlfriend is an foreigners in your country
When I came to Australia, I was a student at my age of 44. During my two years of student life, I always had a boyfriend and they liked me very much. They wanted me to stay longer.
As a foreigner in Australia, I had to apply for a student visa to stay. I had enough money to pay annual school fees, accomodations, food, etc. I could stay as a student for another several years easily financially.
But physically and mentarly, I felt that I couldn’t keep learning new things in a foreign language alongside young students anymore.
And I didn’t want to stay in Australia for someone else. If I decided to stay in Australia, it had to be for me, not for them.
Have you ever discussed visas with your Japanese girlfriend?
Did I say that I had more than 100 first dates with more than 100 Australian men during my two years of student life?
Somehow I was popular and it was easy for me to meet new people. Some were kind and some were not kind. Some were honest and some were totally dishonest. Everything was new to me and I enjoyed every date as an experience.
After 100 first dates, I met my husband. Was he handsome?
Well…. he might read my blog, so I would say YES. Just in case 🙂
But here is the thing. His car was the biggest wreck of a car I’ve ever seen. His clothes were far from fashionable. But I liked him very much. I could talk with him for hours and hours.
Apart from his taste for cars and clothes, his appeal as a human being was very attractive.
And what made him so different from the other boyfriends was that he discussed my visa with me in the second month after we met. That gesture quite appealed to me.
That day I thought that even if we wouldn’t be together as boyfriend and girlfriend, we could be good friends. Because he understood my pain.
Certainty and security are very important to Japanese woman
Have you read my blog, “Age is matter in Japan” . I think this blog will help you to understand your future Japanese girlfriend.
There is a huge social pressure on Japanese women in their late 20s to 30s. They can’t live with uncertainty.
Life is always uncertain and that makes life interesting. But it doesn’t work for young Japanese women who don’t have their permanent residency in Australia.
They need to know where the relationship will go, and if their boyfriend doesn’t clarify, Japanese women go back to Japan to get a more secure and certain life.
You can’t avoid visa issue if your girlfriend is Japanese
I am very careful about bringing up the subject of visas. It is because I don’t want Australian men to think that our Japanese female members are meeting men for visa purposes. They’re not.
When I met my husband and entered a relationship, my husband’s close female friend warned him. “Be careful Sean. She might be seeking a PR ( permanent residency)”.
How could I prove I was not?
My husband and I have been together for 14 years and no one thinks my purpose was getting PR. But it took time to prove it.
So if the boyfriend does not bring up the subject of the visa, the Japanese girlfriend will just leave without discussing it. That’s just how we are.